I have some weird-ass stuff in my MP3s, you know? Four versions of "How Soon Is Now"; the Smiths' original, plus Love Spit Love, Everclear, and the amazingly superior Snake River Conspiracy. Two versions of "Like a Prayer", not including the original Madonna (H20 live and Bigod 20 - I highly recommend the latter). A playlist that segues from Rob Zombie into the Beatles, and thence into Hole (Spookshow Baby, Eleanor Rigby and Malibu, respectively). And the always-bizarre 2NU's "Ponderous".
"Now I'm on a beach somewhere, and there's a sign that says: 'Aren't you supposed to be at work?' It sort of screamed out at me. (Aaaaaaargh!)"
This is ponderous, man. Really ponderous.
6:26 PM - link to this -
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How cool is the site for Our Lady Peace? I sat and watched that opening screen for ages, going: "Wow."
'Superman's Dead' going through my head, good moshing/screaming/leaping around/singing along/playing air guitar music.
Not that I'm doing those things, of course. Well. Not all of them, at least.
6:11 PM - link to this -
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Sunday, April 22, 2001
Hm just said what I think it quite possibly the sweetest thing I've heard in a while. As I was bopping around his room, randomly singing along to "Commies for Christ" (DAAS - Doug Anthony Allstars - for the uninitiated and Americans amongst you), he turns to look at me. I believe I had just chanted: "My God arm-wrestled Kruschev" when he stated: "Dee, you have more self-confidence than anyone I have ever met."
I paused. Grinned disarmingly. Wiggled a little. Honestly, how do you respond to that? In today's society, it is somewhere in the order of the highest magnitude of compliments. We value confidence above all other virtues. And I'd just been told I was the best example he had ever met.
I don't think of myself as that confident. I have doubts. I have a deep need to be accepted. I worry about what people think. But all the outward signs are there, I suppose. I wear skin-tight hotpants and knee-high boots in public. I sing along to the music. I dance flamboyantly. I don't mind if people look at me. In fact, I actively court it by all the above steps and more.
And even with my doubts and need for acceptance and worrying, I have a tendency to do precisely as I please. Still with the intention to be cool, but to fit my own concept of cool. But isn't that what everybody does?
10:20 PM - link to this -
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Note to self: Don't read slash with the door wide open. Especially when it's a well-known fact that people can just wander into your room whenever the door's open without knocking. Especially when all your friends currently in residence are male friends of the moderately-innocent-in-some-aspects variety. That way confusion, embarrassment and quick-fire Alt-Tabbing (to change windows) lies.
7:31 PM - link to this -
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The most beautiful light in the world. Around five, it starts. It comes from everywhere and nowhere. It permeates the world. This is what reality looks like. This is how it really is. Not the harsh light of day. Not the tint of rose-coloured glass.
It begins pure and clear. It becomes golden. It bathes the world, worships it, lavish and decandent. The clouds are stained pink, my walls a burnt umber. The colour deepens, bruises, through gold to orange to blue and then the world is laced with dream-light. Anything is possible in the dusk, when life continues as normal but is so emphatically different.
It's evenings like this that I feel like an impressionist, armed with my mind rather than an easel, trying to capture the impossibility of light.
5:32 PM - link to this -
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