dee - viscerate.com

GIRL
Diana Evans
called Dee
since May 25th, 1980
terrorising inner-city Melbourne
consuming flat whites
producing words, hers and other people's
contact dee [at] viscerate [dot] com

SITE
viscerate.com
consisting of personal reflections
photography by Amy Q
archives here

Saturday, December 23, 2000

As I jet off to sunnier climes (like I need them at the moment) and a family Christmas, I leave you with a politically correct Aussie Christmas message:
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the summer solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all...

A N D

A fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2001, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make Australia great, (not to imply that Australia is necessarily greater than any other country), and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.


Have a cool Yule, folks. I've had a wonderful year, and I hope you have too. All my best wishes for a fantastic holiday.

8:02 PM - link to this - (0) comments

Friday, December 22, 2000

Well, Lizz, I probably was awake at 4:30. And 5. And every half-hour before or thereafter. I slept like a log with termites last night. Half the heat (but only half, because I am a Big Tough Queenslander (TM) and I spit on your feeble attempts at heat. I spit, I say! Hah!) and half the fact that A was hogging more than his fair share of bed. Honestly, all I ask is a third, at least. It's a Queen-size too. Greedy twerp.

Anyway, because of this, and my stubbornness in insisting that I would sleep - or at least try to - I wasn't online and amusing you. Apologies. I'll try to do better in the future, Mistress.

And speaking of mistresses, the ever-ingenious Robbie Rocket-pants spotted and cleverly purchased for me the Preaching to the Perverted soundtrack. It has dance tracks with sound-bites from the movie. Now I can play music that has a dominatrix orgasming over the top. How many people can boast that?

9:59 PM - link to this - (0) comments

I hate Christmas shopping.

Except when I've finished mine.

Actually, I quite like browsing through stress-packed department stores. Frazzled mothers with whinging children. Some shelves empty and others full of everything but what the price tag underneath says should be there. Finding the perfect gift amidst 34 bug-eyed Power Puff dolls.

But at the same time it fills me with fatigue. And the desire to crush the larynx of the puling child behind me. To glare at mothers whose bad mothering is brought on by hours of those emotions. To strangle the put-upon staff with the spooling tapes of dinky carols.

Yup, it's the season to be fucking jolly all right. So get to it. Now!

9:33 PM - link to this - (0) comments

Thursday, December 21, 2000

What's the go with idealist porn teen? What the hell are these people doing? I ask you.

7:50 AM - link to this - (0) comments

Tuesday, December 19, 2000

Me: Yeah, you can play for now. Then when Gj comes -
A: Ambush her. Cut her up into little pieces.
Me: Set fire to her.
A: And dance around the funeral pyre. Playing the violin!
Me: Hang on, I thought you played the clarinet.
A: So?
Me: Maybe I should take care of the violin part.

8:13 AM - link to this - (0) comments

Monday, December 18, 2000

As always, Lizz has an ability to instigate highly cathartic experiences.

Like I said, inconsiderate morons annoy me, whether they be in the next wing or on the internet.
People who gather just to bitch annoy me.
All form and no substance annoys me.
'Kewliez' annoys me. 'Coolth' doesn't.
Mediocrity annoys me more than just about anything.
Oh, and that stupid messy drawing stuff annoys the hell out of me too, Lizz.

2:26 PM - link to this - (0) comments

Get thee behind me, teenage drunken drama students. You are the spawn of the Devil and you will be first against the wall come the Revolution. Actually, fuck that, the wall is too good for you. You will be summarily drowned in casks of cheap and vinegary white wine. Except for those special few who have really annoyed me, and you will be forced to listen to Country music until your brain seeps out your ears. Hah!

They have earned my righteous wrath by being obnoxious little twits. I mean, I understand that the adrenaline high that you get on when you finish a performance. DOUG knows I've experienced it often enough myself. But that's no reason to leap around making noise and generally being fuckwits until the sodding hour of 3am, at which point the poor frazzled duty-girl calls me up to help her out because three girls are annoyed at being told to shut the fuck up and are stalking her.

Never underestimate the menace I can summon when woken in the wee hours of the morning. Nor the impact of being told off by someone who actually knows your name (since I checked them all in and most of them are highly memorable). Nor how willing I am to flay the life out of you if you backchat me at aforementioned hour and in those circumstances.

You don't pull that sort of shit on me, bitch.

But now they've gone, praise be to Allah. Sod off, you little twerps, and if you never come back, I won't be sorry.

1:51 PM - link to this - (0) comments

Oh yeah, this is the sort of search I'm talking about. I remember, way back in first year, doing this search with J2. I wonder if these people got the same sort of weird links we got. Including the Purple Monkey Dishwasher University. Don't ask, I don't know either.

8:17 AM - link to this - (0) comments