putting the guts back in

GIRL
Diana Evans
called Dee
since May 25th, 1980
terrorising inner-city Melbourne
consuming flat whites
producing words, hers and other people's
contact dee [at] viscerate [dot] com
SITE
viscerate.com
consisting of personal reflections
photography by Amy Q
archives here

Saturday, August 05, 2000

Things to do to appear more insane than you already are:

#1: When taking the skin off your chicken, do it slowly and sing strip music. End by throwing the chicken skin flamboyantly onto the plate of the person sitting opposite you.

6:53 PM - link to this - (0) comments

The rules of picking up (with invaluable contributions from J²):

For men:

Dress well.
Smell good.
Don't be too drunk.
Introduce yourself confidently.
Make intelligent, but not too erudite, conversation.
Listen attentively.
Smile and laugh.
Pray.

For women:

Show up.
On the incredibly rare occasion that step 1 does not work immediately, smile.

6:20 PM - link to this - (0) comments

Friday, August 04, 2000

I wish my life had a soundtrack. All the boring things in life - like lectures, or walking to places, or simply sitting and typing - would be made so much more interesting if I could perform them to interesting music and from an assortment of camera angles.

Life being a movie isn't just about the happy ending. In fact, it's not about the happy ending, because I happen to prefer movies that have a tragic ending. It's about missing the boring bits, and everything being significant, and knowing that a resolution of some sort will be taking place.

10:30 PM - link to this - (0) comments

For lo, and verily, I go forth to witness that which has been lauded as: "Dogma".

Don't wait up.

6:51 PM - link to this - (0) comments

I don't like steak and I don't like lasagne. Just what is a girl to do at a college like this one?

Answer: Make Continental Chicken Curry pasta.

6:11 PM - link to this - (0) comments

I come from Gladstone and return there at the end of each uni year. Don't let this glossy brochure fool you - it's a horrible place to live. Well, not so much to live, as to grow up. It is beautiful for tourists, I'll give it that much. But that "solid industrial base" makes the town hideously working class. I know I'm sounding like I'll be first against the wall when the revolution comes, but hear me out. I know no other way to describe the feel that permeates the town, or at least the teen part of it. The average girl is married by 20, and was probably pregnant two years earlier. The non-average girls flee the town, further skewing the statistics. The guys work in industry, or in the rest of the town that supports that industry. They become average in one form or another - suburban bliss or sub-standard domestic nightmare. From which springs the next generation and the vicious cycle continues.

I fled. I fully intend to return, if I return, only briefly and aloofly. And should the visit be extended, it is to be ended as soon as any children that might, perchance, be under my care reach the age of nine.

5:33 PM - link to this - (0) comments

N's boyfriend turned 25 yesterday, an age he seems to believe is truly prodigious. He had forbade any extensive celebratory measure, but N is not one to do as told, especially regarding spoiling those she loves. Unfortunately, speaking of spoilt, so were the oysters, which meant the party ended in a less than satisfactory manner for the celebrant.

J² performed a similar stunt at his birthday feast last year. We had successfully staged a huge surprise party, no easy feat when you live in college, at his favourite restaurant, the Australian Pizza Kitchen. Someone should have told him that salmon on a pizza is just a bad idea. We went out gothing afterwards and he was requisitely pale.

Poor birthday boys.

5:20 PM - link to this - (0) comments

Finally, finally, and at long last eXx has received an update. I have not forgotten it, and promise to be a better 'pretentious writing' generator in future.

5:14 PM - link to this - (0) comments

Thursday, August 03, 2000

Pretend I blogged this yesterday, because it is in relation to my Diplomacy tute:

Apparently Channel 7, which has the coverage of the Sydney Olympics, is also covering all the possibilities. It is retaining analysts of international politics for "the unfortunate occurence of terrorist attacks on the Sydney Games".

5:27 PM - link to this - (0) comments

So apparently I'm a 'disgruntled feminist lesbian' now. Ooops, I must have missed the memo about that one. Have I become a 'vicious skank' all of a sudden? No, the standard of sites asking for review has just got really, really bad recently. One of those paradigm shifts, I guess.

In the meantime, however, this is so hilariously spot on. Wit with such pinpoint accuracy it can nail the idiotic to a wall at fifty paces. There should be more such.

Additionally, where was I yesterday? Receiving carte blanche on my redesigning of my university's careers centre webpage (oh, the power!), enjoying the delightfully Austentatious Mansfield Park and languishing in the arms of my dearly beloved. Oh, and very much overusing the italicise tag.

5:04 PM - link to this - (0) comments

Tuesday, August 01, 2000

The evening in review: Wickedness, denunciation of cow, chaos, netball, drag-racing, chatting, peppermint schnapps, exodus, Puzzle Bobble, anatomy of dragons, final curtain, sleep.

And that's just an ordinary night in Dee's life...

9:42 PM - link to this - (0) comments

Monday, July 31, 2000

Thought of the day: The Ewoks are the Care Bears after two light bears.

Thank you, Patrick Tyson, and good night!

9:26 PM - link to this - (0) comments

Three rodents of impaired ocular perception
Observe the manner in which they perambulate.
They all pursued the agricultural person's spouse,
Who forcibly detached their rear appendage with a sharp implement.
Did you ever observe such an occurance in your existence,
As three rodents of impaired ocular perception.

8:54 PM - link to this - (0) comments

"Due to the collapse of the USSR, the Black Market was flooded with cheap nuclear weapons. At some unspecified time in the near future, for uncertain reasons, the Pepsi Corporation will acquire an unknown quantity of these. Due to CIA prompting, the United States will clandestinely fund the Coca-Cola Corporation acquisition of nuclear warheads so that parity is achieved. This will lead to what historians in the future will refer to as the 'Cola War'." ~ J^e

8:14 PM - link to this - (0) comments

As a sort of amusingly relevant postscript to the below entry about my definitive religious type, I noticed today that Mallory was talking about some sort of religious test, and being the ever-curious one, I took it. I was given a score of 100% on Unitarian Universalist, which strikes me as being an entirely cop-out definition of faith. Every point has "diverse beliefs" next to it, and if that isn't just pansy-assed, I don't know what is. I also got 96% on Neo-Pagan but I say that's just a weak attempt to redeem themselves from their first selection, but I see through their paltry schemes. Oh yesss...

5:29 PM - link to this - (0) comments

Even I want to conform, to belong, to have a name that I can call my own. I'm sick of saying, when people ask me what religion I do follow since I'm frequently vehemently anti-Christian: "Well, I sort of have my own blend of beliefs drawn from various different faiths, but I don't entirely believe in the narrow-mindedness of a system. I think it limits your relationship with the Divine, don't you?"

At this point, without fail, my conversational partner either edges away, avoiding eye-contact, or bursts into self-righteous flames.

Now, however, I can state firmly: "I am a syncretist."

I looked at a whole heap of places that talked about this sort of thing, but the definition that made me go: "Hell yeah, that's me" comes from Foucault's Pendulum (the book that is slowly changing my life and the way I view the world) where the incomparable Signor Eco writes: "But in its loftiest sense syncretism is the acknowledgement that a single Tradition runs through and nurtures all religion, all learning, all philosophy. The wise man does not discriminate; he gathers together all the shreds of light, from wherever they may come..."

Of course, I still have to explain my newly declared syncretism to aforemention conversational partners, so I still get all the fun of frightening conservative agnostics or duelling with the rampantly fanatic. Goody.

11:55 AM - link to this - (0) comments

So You've Decided to be Evil, and now you need some advice. After all, there's those pesky do-gooders who are always going to get in your way and you simply have to dress to fit the part. You need some advice from the people who know. Don't accept any substitutes.

I particularly recommend the "Make your own Evil Plan" tool. Very useful in turning around a slow weekend.

PS: Here's my Evil Plan^TM!

Your objective is simple: Murder Countless Innocents

Your motive is a little bit more complex: Sadistic pleasure

Stage One:

To begin your plan, you must first Seduce a Pope. This will cause the world to sit up and take notice, stunned by your arrival. Who is this Despoiler of all that is Good and Nice and True? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in Classic Black?

Stage Two:

Next, you will Contaminate/poison the Pyramids of Giza. This will cause countless hordes of Mean English Teachers to flock to you, begging to do your every bidding. Your name will become synonymous with Fuzzy bunnies, as lesser men whisper your name in terror.

Stage Three:

Finally, you will Demonstrate your Horsemen of the Apocalypse, bringing about Something That's Really Metal. This will all be done from a Abandoned Church, an excellent choice if we might say. These three deeds will herald the end, and the citizens of this planet will have no choice but to elect you their new god.

Trust us, it'll all come together in the end.

8:25 AM - link to this - (0) comments

Sunday, July 30, 2000

(Because I need to write something even remotely interesting and artistique (or something) in here this weekend...)

When I was very little, I was known as the "Early Bird" (my best friend of the time being the "Night Owl", as we were opposite in all things). I would wake up and toddle (that's why they're called toddlers, after all) out to him as he ate his breakfast and read one of his shipping magazines. And I would hop up into his lap and eat half his cereal. One spoonful for me, two for him. He ate cornflakes, out of a big bowl - a fruit bowl - and he used to chop up a banana to put on top. Some days I wouldn't wake up in time, and when I came out he would be finished. Then he had to eat another bowl, just for me, and he would be full, and running late for work. But he always did it, because he was the most wonderful father in the world.

He's retired now, and no longer goes to work at 7am. He eats his cornflakes with muesli now, because health (and my mother) is catching up with him. I eat cornflakes too, after going through a rice bubbles phase, and a weetbix stage. I'm too big to fit in his lap now, and I rarely get up before seven. He's still the most wonderful father in the world, and I would do anything for him, just because he asked.

9:06 PM - link to this - (0) comments

I'm purging my webrings. I feel weighed down. I feel cheapened. (I'm bored.) I'm also not sure that I like these rings at all, so they're going. Some of them. I'm sure no one cares about this, but I'm telling you anyway.

First to bite the dust: blog girls and elite domains. Both of them because I really don't want to be associated with most of the other sites on them. Call me elitist. Go on, I dares ya! (For the record, it is a sort of elitism. A lot of them are the sort of teen silliness I'd prefer not to exist. Well, maybe that's a bit harsh. I'd prefer not to have to encounter. At all. They can do it, as long as they do it somewhere I can't see them.)

Second to go: Thought Transmission. I did like most of the other sites on this ring, but the ring wasn't really me. I joined it when Bloody Proust shut down, but I've changed since then.

Teetering on the brink: girl design, which I know I just joined, but I'm already questioning that. I'll surf it tomorrow and decide. Basically, I've become a content snob, and frankly I don't care about being linked to 101 girlies who know how to manipulate images and type HTML. I want expression. Which explains...

Definitely staying: bruised and circuit because these two are about being fantastically talented in the matter of content, not necessarily in design (but it certainly helps). I love these rings.

7:01 PM - link to this - (0) comments

"Never complain and never explain." ~ Benjamin Disraeli

6:24 PM - link to this - (0) comments

Jumping castles are far more fun than people my age should be having.

Last night was the college Ball, which I didn't attend because of the aforementioned nuptuals. I'm quite glad about this now, because every report thus far has confirmed my suspicion. That being: $60 is too much money to be paying for an evening as pathetically ordinary as those people are likely to organise. Especially for "alcohol" limited to beer and goon. Especially when the Asian Studies Ball on Friday cost half as much and had an open bar. I'm a good college girl - my life revolves around alcohol.

However, today was the recovery. Always a lazy and illness inducing event, even if you weren't tanked to the eyeballs last night. This year there was a jumping castle, hence the opening line. Much precious German study time was wasted leaping gleefully. And, once J² joined the festitivites, dodging getting tackled every two minutes. Honestly, that boy is testosterone on legs. Nice legs, though.

6:10 PM - link to this - (0) comments